Information for students

Client stories

In order to understand what the Refuge does and why it is needed, it helps to hear about individual clients we have supported. The following two stories have therefore been randomly selected from the many women CTWR has supported this year, to illustrate the range of problems Refuge staff offer help for.

Some of the problems women and children living with domestic violence experience are easier to deal with than others. It can be difficult for them to regain their physical health, find new housing and arrange to receive benefits so that they can feed and clothe themselves. Yet these problems can pale beside the difficulties they face in trying to recover from the psychological damage they have sustained.

Simon's Story

Simon and his mother Andrea spent one month with us before being transferred to a refuge nearer to their social support network.

Simon was then aged two years and three months. Staff observed that he was extremely aggressive towards his mother, even though she was quiet and gentle with him. Andrea told us that Simon had witnessed her being abused by her partner on many occasions.

Simon was also aggressive towards refuge staff and female, but not male, volunteers in the playroom. He would kick, punch, pull hair, strangle, shout and swear, sometimes for twenty minutes at a time. His aggression was not usually directed at other children. Andrea was distressed, embarrassed and very worried about him. The Children's Support Workers reassured Andrea that his behaviour was not her fault, but that he was copying the abusive behaviour which he had learned as normal, and that with support his behaviour should change.

We shared our behaviour policy with Andrea so that she was clear about how we would deal with any aggressive incidents. We explained that we would make it clear to Simon that hurting is not acceptable and encourage him to say sorry. We would make him understand that he may be removed from the situation if his behaviour did not change. We also explained that we would use every opportunity to praise and give positive attention to Simon when he was being nice and if possible to ignore unwanted behaviours such as swearing. Andrea was encouraged to bring Simon to play sessions on a daily basis, regardless of how he had behaved on the previous day, and to use the same strategies to reinforce positive behaviour at home.

Simon was a bright boy, able to communicate his needs and wishes to adults easily, and he had a good level of understanding and knowledge for his age. He demonstrated that he was capable of being very caring towards other children, but had learned to use unwanted behaviour as a means of getting what he wanted.

One particular violent and lengthy tantrum resulted in Simon being taken into a small adjoining baby room where he could express his anger safely by punching and kicking large cushions. Once he had run out of steam, he was distracted with a musical toy, and when he was quiet and calm, his key worker was able to comfort him with a hug and return him to the main playroom.

By working together with Andrea and Simon we were soon rewarded by seeing improvements in Simon's behaviour. Other Refuge staff commented that he was a very different child to the one who had arrived a month earlier. Andrea was very grateful for our help, but she herself had taken the most important step by removing Simon from the abusive environment.

The cases cited here provide evidence of the value of agencies pulling together to help abused women and show how other agencies can help refuges as well as refuges offering services to them.

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