Volunteering

Client stories

One of the best ways of understanding what the Refuge does and why it is needed is by hearing about an individual client. The following real stories illustrate the range of problems that the Refuge staff offer help with.

Casey's story

Supporting a client with multiple needs

Casey was admitted to the Refuge through For Women, our Outreach Centre. She has multiple needs in addition to domestic abuse, including a personality disorder, bulimia, obsessive compulsive disorder, anxiety attacks, self-harm, alcohol and medication abuse.

Casey, now in her mid-twenties, had a dreadful childhood. At six years old she was sexually abused by family members. Her mother didn't believe her, so she had no help. Her mother was also a drug addict for many years and Casey was used as a 'runner' for her. She did well at school until she was introduced to alcohol and drugs. These offered her an escape from her awful life and there was no-one to deter her before she became addicted. Her father, a heroin addict, sold his prescriptions to her and even encouraged her to join him in taking drugs.

Her addictions eventually led her into stripping and prostitution. Her work base was the family home. Not only did her mother not object, she solicited for Casey. At this point Casey began to self-harm by cutting.

She has two children, but only has contact with one, due to domestic abuse and her drug and alcohol problems. She would like to have contact with the other child and is currently looking for legal representation. She has now found she is pregnant with her third child.

In her short time with us, Casey has taken two overdoses by mixing her prescribed medication with alcohol. Following these incidents the Crisis Team visited the Refuge and expressed the opinion that Casey was receiving strong support from the staff. She is unsure how she wishes to proceed with the pregnancy and has decided to have counselling with the Refuge's in-house counsellor. Casey is also visiting another agency for help to reduce her alcohol use and is working on reducing her medication. She now has telephone support from a community psychiatric nurse and is currently on an alcohol and drug reduction programme. Between November 2009 and February 2010 she received drug and alcohol rehabilitation.

Despite her appalling history, Casey is surprisingly strong and is valiantly attempting to turn her life around. She is beginning to dream of setting up a family unit with her children, going to college to study politics and eventually working to support herself and her dependants. The Refuge will continue do everything it can to support and help her.

Lauren's story

A struggling mother. There is often no miracle outcome, but this story shows encouraging signs of improvement, while illustrating the need for continuing family support

Lauren has four girls aged 15, 11, 8 and 6, all with different fathers and with older absent siblings. The family were fleeing domestic abuse from her recent partner, but all her previous partners, except the father of the youngest child, had also been abusive. Only the youngest child had contact with her father. The eldest girl had low self-esteem and did not present well. The second was aggressive at home. The third was unnaturally quiet. All the children needed to transfer schools. Lauren had health problems and appeared to rely on the eldest girl for childcare.

Three of the girls were placed in a school and the Refuge provided their uniforms. Staff in the Children's department liaised with various education departments and successfully appealed against one school's decision not to offer a place to the eldest child. Messages about truancy received from the school were addressed and advocacy provided for the girl to help her with her difficulties at school. She was given access to a computer to do her homework and course work. A referral for counselling was offered but not taken up. The three other children attended the Refuge's after-school activities regularly.

The eldest child completed her schooling and, although she was not entered for exams, she produced a portfolio of work to present to art college. As her school attendance improved and she began to realise that her wellbeing was important to Refuge staff, she regained some of her confidence and sense of direction. Her siblings started to form positive relationships with adults and other children and learned to express their feelings in a safe and appropriate way. The eight-year-old gained a great deal of confidence and began to talk and laugh again. She made a poster for the After School Club saying how much she enjoyed it.

Keith's story

Helping an aggressive child. A story of remarkable improvement, but the need for ongoing support is clear.

Keith arrived at the Refuge aged two years and three months. Staff observed that his mother was quiet and gentle with him but that he was extremely aggressive towards her. She said that Keith had witnessed her partner abusing her. Keith was also aggressive towards welfare staff, children's workers and volunteers in the playroom. He would kick, hit, pinch, pull hair, shout and swear. These episodes would last for up to twenty minutes. His mother was embarrassed and distressed about his behaviour and needed reassuring that it was not her fault, that Keith was just copying what he had seen and that his behaviour could change.

It was explained to her that any unwanted behaviour would be dealt with in accordance with our behaviour policy and that staff would use every opportunity to praise Keith and give him positive attention when he was being nice.

He was a bright boy, able to communicate his needs and wishes to adults, name colours and shapes and had a good level of understanding for his age. He could also be caring towards other children. However, he didn't like to be crossed and had learned to use violent behaviour to get what he wanted.

One particularly violent and lengthy tantrum occurred during a busy session, and Keith had to be separated from the other children in the interests of safety. He clearly had a great deal of anger to express, and his key worker Julie encouraged him to punch the large cushions. Eventually he ran out of steam and Julie was able to distract him with a musical toy. When he quietened down, Julie offered him a hug which he accepted. He became sufficiently calm to be able to return to play with the other children.

At Keith's age it is normal to try out different behaviours. Sometimes Keith would begin using inappropriate language, which the staff tried to ignore as much as possible, taking into account the awareness levels of the other children. He would then try to attract the attention of the staff by saying 'I'm swearing now', but when it was explained that the staff weren't looking at him because they didn't like swearing, he simply said 'OK' and went off to play nicely.

The children's workers continued to reinforce these strategies and shared them with his mother. They were soon rewarded by seeing a great improvement in Keith's behaviour. When the family moved on, the staff commented that he seemed a different child from the one who had arrived. His mother was very grateful and asked us to provide some written guidance for future use. She was told she had done the most important thing herself by removing her son from an abusive environment.

Jake's story

The importance of getting help for children early on

Jake arrived at the Refuge at the age of ten. His mother said he had help with some things at school but didn't mention any behavioural difficulties. He was quickly placed at the local junior school.

Shortly after his arrival, the Refuge took Jake on a trip to Mega Bowl, where he was involved in a major behavioural incident that involved physical attacks on children and threats to staff. Jake's mother had to be contacted to collect him by taxi, and at one point the police were called as staff were not certain they could ensure the safety of the children. Jake's sister commented that he often did this kind of thing. The staff contacted the school the next day to make them aware of the behavioural issue. The school commented that they had observed some disturbing behaviour.

The following day, the staff discussed the incident with Jake and his mother and worked out some strategies to use when he felt angry. Jake was included in future sessions, but would have to be accompanied on outings. There were times when Jake became angry, and on one occasion he began throwing chairs and had to be removed from the room. On other occasions, although provoked, he managed his feelings using the strategies suggested. He appeared to have built up a trust with the staff.

Meanwhile, he was excluded from school because staff there felt they could not guarantee the safety of other children. During an outing to the recreation ground, Jake attacked his mother. She and another resident were unable to restrain him and had to call the police.

Jake had been exposed to domestic violence throughout his life and was the subject of a Child Protection Plan. A transfer in conference was arranged, but unfortunately neither Jake's mother nor Refuge staff were notified and so did not attend. Refuge staff contacted the chair of the meeting to explain the reasons for the non-attendance. Shortly afterwords, Jake's mother decided to return home because she could no longer cope with Jake's behaviour. The Refuge understands that she was back in hospital within a week due to further domestic violence.

The cases cited here provide evidence of the value of agencies pulling together to help abused women and show how other agencies can help fefuges as well as fefuges offering services to them.

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